ATM Procedures

MALE VS. FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE
 
A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:


'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.


Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.


After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please follow the Appropriate steps for your gender.'

*******************************
MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3.. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4.. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6.. Put window up.
7. Drive off.


*******************************


FEMALE PROCEDURE:
What is really funny is that most of this part is the truth.!!!!
1 . Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from th e car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19.. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24.. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.

The Wash Cloth

I was due for an appointment with the gyn later in the week.
Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor's office to tell me That I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am.

I had only just Packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45am.The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have Any time to spare. As most women do, I like to take extra time to ensure great hygiene when Making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the Full effort. So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pajamas, wet the washcloth that was Sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in that area to Make sure I was at least presentable. I threw the washcloth in the Clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my Appointment.

I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in.
Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure you do, I hopped up on the table, Looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or some other place a million miles away. I was a little surprised When the doctor said, 'My, we have made an extra effort this morning, Haven't we?' I didn't respond.

After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home.
The rest Of the day was normal...Some shopping, cleaning, cooking.

After school when my 6 year old daughter was playing, she called out From the bathroom, 'Mommy, where's my washcloth?' I told her to get another one from the cupboard. She replied, 'No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it had all My glitter and sparkles saved inside it.

Never going back to that doctor.

Ever.

Launching PMS Site for Women

I am very excited...finally the website http://www.snittyandsnotty.com is mostly completed.

My whole goal on the website is to help women with PMS.

I have my story on it, some products that worked for me, funny stories & jokes, I am still working on the articles to add to my site, recipies that are easy, and this site for pretty much anything that could help or put a voice to what women go through each month.

I hope that you will visit the site http://www.snittyandsnotty.com and let me know what you think.

I would love to hear from you...Please be kind... I'm new to this and I'm learning.

Just let me know if there is anything that needs to be on the site that may be beneficial for women that have PMS that I have not included or information that you might like to read about.

Take care,

Angelica

A Woman Should Have...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own even if she never wants to or needs to...



A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...something perfect to wear if the employer or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...



A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE.a youth she's content to leave behind....



A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age....



A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE.a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...



A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE.one friend who always makes her laugh... and one who lets her cry...



A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE.a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family...



A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE.eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored...



A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE.a feeling of control over her destiny...



EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...how to fall in love without losing herself..



EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...how to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship...



EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...when to try harder... and when to walk away...



EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...that she can't change the length of her calves, the width of herhips, or the nature of her parents..



EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...that her childhood may not have been perfect...but it's over...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...



EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...how to live alone... even if she doesn't like it...



EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...whom she can trust, whom she can't, and why she shouldn't take it personally...



EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...where to go... be it to her best friend's kitchen table or acharminginn in the woods, when her soul needs soothing...



EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...what she can and can't accomplish in a day... a month... a year..and a lifetime...

Dressing a Child

DRESSING KIDS

Anyone who has ever dressed a child will love this one!

Did you hear about the Texas Teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his cowboy boots?
He asked for help and she could see why.

Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want to go on.

Finally, when the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat.
She almost cried when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet."

She looked and sure enough, they were.
It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on.
She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on - this time on the right feet.

He then announced, "These aren't my boots."

She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream,
"Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to.
And, once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet. No sooner they got the boots off and he said,
"They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear 'em."

Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry.
But, she mustered up the grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again.

Helping him into his coat, she asked, "Now, where are your mittens?" He said,"I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots."

Her trial starts next month.

Husband SuperStore

Recently a "Husband Super Store" opened where women could go to choose a husband from among many men.

It was laid out in five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended.

The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor; if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place, never to return.

A couple of girlfriends went to the shopping centre to find some husbands.

First floor...The door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and love kids."The women read the sign and said, "Well, that's better than not having a job or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?"

So up they went. Second floor .. The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking. "Hmmm", said the ladies, "But, I wonder what's further up?"

Third floor... This sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework. "Wow", said the women, "Very tempting."

But there was another floor, so further up they went.

Fourth floor... This door had a sign saying "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak. "Oh, mercy me," they cried, "Just think what must be awaiting us further on! So up to the fifth floor they went.

Fifth floor...The sign on that door said, "This floor is empty and exists only to prove that women are impossible to please. The exit is to your left, we hope you fall down the stairs."

Visit http://www.snittyandsnotty.com

An Email I Got Today

Subject: Bitchology...

When I stand up for myself and my beliefs, they call me a bitch.
When I stand up for those I love, they call me a bitch.
When I speak my mind, think my own thoughts or do things my own way, theycall me a bitch. Being a bitch means I won't compromise what's in my heart.
It means I live my life MY way. It means I won't allow anyone to step on me.
When I refuse to tolerate injustice and speak against it, I am defined as a bitch.
The same thing happens when I take time for myself instead of beingeveryone's maid, or when I act a little selfish.
It means I have the courage and strength to allow myself to be who I trulyam and won't become anyone else's idea of what they think I "should" be.
I am outspoken, opinionated and determined. I want what I want and there is nothing wrong with that!
So try to stomp on me, try to douse my inner flame, try to squash everyounce of beauty I hold within me. You won't succeed.
And if that makes me a bitch, so be it. I embrace the title and am proudto bear it.


B - Babe
I - In
T - Total
C - Control of
H - Herself


B = Beautiful
I = Intelligent
T = Talented
C = Charming
H = Hell of a Woman


B = Beautiful
I = Individual
T = That
C = Can
H = Handle anything